Don't just live in the world

Falling behind

November 2nd, 2010 | Posted by Amy Boughner in Personal

We screwed up our budget this month. We had more of a cushion than usual and we let ourselves get comfortable and now we’re behind again.

I hate it.

Every month it seems like we’re on track, and something gets forgotten and suddenly we’re staring our overdraft in the face. We were supposed to use this year to make sure we were in a good place to go into 2011, when daycare costs will become another budget column, but here we are.

And I just feel stupid. Stupid and out of control.

And the more out of control we get, the more painful January is going to be.

And there is no reason for it, except that we’re not planning properly, and purchases get made at the wrong times and things don’t get thought of. It’s only going to get more complicated and I can’t help feeling really pessimistic about everything coming at us. I get in these states when I just want to sell everything we own to make up the difference, but that doesn’t quite work.

My spending and my eating are quite similar really. I have the mindset that if I want something and it’s just this one time, then it shouldn’t be a problem. But it spirals out of control and it always is a problem. With the baby it gets harder, because she’s always going to be growing out of things, and there will always be different toys that will help her learn different things, and I will always want her to have things.

So, what do I do?

I get angry with myself, I go public with my problem and I remind myself that outside is a better place to go walking than the mall, that online shopping is still money going out, that making meals at home is a fix for all our problems and I remind myself of this feeling. This feeling of utter stupidity and complete lack of control, and panic.

I remind myself of all this, and I remind myself of our budget, and our debt that we’re trying to erase, and I remind myself that I often regret those purchases that I just had to have at the time.

And this time it has to work.

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