Blissdom Canada starts today, I gave up my ticket a few weeks ago so I’ll be experiencing it through hashtags and blog posts alone, and I have not lost 30 lbs.

I don’t remember the last time I weighed myself. I also don’t remember the last time I thought twice about eating a few pieces of chocolate. I was wearing my pedometer and one day it reset on me and I haven’t worn it since. I felt great the day after the Run for the Cure, and I haven’t really done that much exercise since.

I’m not as much angry at myself as I am disappointed and embarassed.

Now I have three months. Three months until I go back to work and everything gets harder again. If I don’t make changes in the next three months I never will. I’ll gain more and more weight and I will die early and I will leave behind my daughter, and she will be on her way to being overweight.

Three months and an internet full of people that I’m asking to remind me and push me and kick my ass.

In November, in a little over a week, I will be starting four weeks of Booty Camp, two sessions a week. I am terrified. I am almost certain I will fail. I am almost certain that I will go through those four weeks reminding myself that there are X sessions until it’s over.

But I am not so certain that I won’t try, because four weeks with a trainer, a supportive woman who has seen women like me and will push me through my desire to give up into that place where I’m proud of myself for doing it, four weeks might be exactly what I need.

In four weeks I will have lost some of this stubborn weight, I will remember how good it feels when you’re active, in four weeks I will be stronger and more ready.

So let’s go, Booty Camp, show me what you can do.

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