I’ve come to the realization over the past few days that I am very good at taking care of my daughter – filling all her needs, paying her attention, pushing her limits a little bit every day – but I’m terrible when it comes to taking care of myself. I always have been, so I can’t even blame the fact that I’m a new mom focusing solely on the baby.
I have always been terrible at getting the sleep I need (she writes at almost 11 pm when she knows the baby will be up by 7 am). I am terrible at feeding myself if there’s no one else to be fed. This is becoming a problem because I’m at home taking care of my own lunches. Breakfast is fairly easy – an English muffin, a bowl of cereal and a piece of fruit, even a muffin or a smoothie – I can usually figure out breakfast. Dinner can be more complicated, since we’re often both tired, and I know it will be more complicated when I go back to work and we have more of a time crunch, but it’s doable. I have go-to recipes, I’m learning more, we have the slow cooker, things can be pulled together.
Lunch has been a problem for me since I started being responsible for my own. It’s so bad that I’m already concerned about what I’m going to pack for the baby girl’s lunches when she starts school – IN THREE YEARS.
I have trouble coming up with lunches for myself, and I have access to a fridge and a microwave, and I’m allowed to use peanut butter. When I’m at home I can usually snack through the day and not ever be really hungry, but some days, especially since the baby started crawling and thus wants to be moving all the time, I don’t get a chance to slow down and really think about eating. Like yesterday and today for example.
Yesterday and today I went through my usual routine of feeding the baby breakfast and having mine at the same time, but then for some reason I didn’t eat lunch when I fed her lunch, and then when I realized I was hungry she was ready to go again and I didn’t have time to actually stop and put anything together for me.
Today for lunch I ate a banana and a chocolate chip cookie at 4 pm. I can only imagine what that’s doing to my metabolism. It’s strange, when the baby was newborn, I didn’t eat lunch because I was often too depressed to put the effort in and then I started giving in to cravings and eating a lot of junk throughout the day to just forgetting to eat, or putting it off, or just giving up, and then I get frustrated because it shouldn’t be this difficult.
The fact is that I know I can’t just set the baby aside while I prepare food for myself, but if I know that why can’t I plan for it better?
I’m well aware that I feel better when I snack through the day, and that fits better with the shape my days take, so why don’t I think about what I like to snack on and write that plan into our grocery list?
I’m nearly 30, it’s really high time I figure out how to take care of me, isn’t it?