Oh little girl, I remember when we used to try so hard to get a laugh out of you. You started laughing one day because I was blowing on your belly and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard in my life and I just wanted to hear it again and again. It seemed impossible to get the sound back – all the tricks that worked once never seemed to work again.
Today I had you in fits of giggles and all I was doing was holding you and laughing myself.
As I type this, you’re crawling around the floor, exploring your environment and seeing what trouble you can get in to. You like chasing the puppy, as we suspected you would. It seems like you were almost crawling for so long, and now we just can’t stop you.
I’ve been filling out your baby book… Well, trying to fill out your baby book. I don’t remember exactly when you started lifting your head up by yourself, I was still marveling at your very being. I don’t even know when you started sitting up by yourself – You were very tippy for a long time and then you just weren’t anymore.
Now that you can sit by yourself and crawl, you seem to desperately want to stand up and walk, and I know you’ll do both sooner than we expect and you’ll catch us off-guard. We have a lifetime of being caught off-guard ahead of us.
You’ve outgrown your first car seat, you’re about to outgrow the swing that gave us both so much peace in your early days, you’re outgrowing clothes left, right and centre. You’re so tall. I really can’t believe how tall you are, though you always have been. Your crib used to dwarf you, and now it looks like we’ll be turning it into a daybed a lot sooner than we expected.
I want you to grow, I do, I want you to learn new things and figure yourself out. I want to get to know you as you turn into a beautiful, brilliant young woman, but I look and you and know that I’m going to miss you so terribly. I was so worried when I was pregnant, because I didn’t really feel any connection to you, and people told me it would be fine, but I had no idea I would love you so completely, that I would marvel at you every day, just because you’re you. I’m so proud of the little person you’re becoming, and I’m not the only one that sees it. Every person you encounter can tell just how special you are, and you will only get more special.
It’s strange to say, but while all this guilt and fear I feel has everything to do with your being, it has nothing to do with you. You are the constant good in my life.