I went to two roller derby practices. I bought roller skates. I was excited. I felt like I was really pushing myself for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever.
The second practice I went to I didn’t make it through. We did laps and lunges and crunches and various other exercises that pushed me to the brink, but I made it through and got back on my skates. I was surprised at how much better I felt I was doing on the skates after only a few laps around my living room.
And then my ankles started to hurt. And then my back started to hurt. And then my feet started going numb and I just couldn’t keep up with the drills and I couldn’t envision what else they had in store for us and I gave up. I took off my skates and I went home halfway through practice. I was too tired, I had been sick, I missed my baby, I was needed at home, there were so many excuses but I still beat myself up for leaving.
Before I left I handed in a cheque for membership in the league – 3 months of 2 practices a week learning how to skate properly, learning techniques, getting into shape. After I wrote out the cheque I sent Joe a text message telling him to ask my how I felt about it when I saw him later in the evening.
And I thought about it for two more days and on the day of the first scheduled practice I emailed the organizer and asked her to rip up my cheque. It was too much to think about. Two practices a week from 8 to 10 pm, getting home after my baby girl was asleep, getting home wired and having to wake up with her at 6:30 or 7 the next morning? Not going to happen. There are priorities I have to set right now and top of that list are taking care of my daughter and taking care of myself.
So I’m not going to be a derby queen… This year.
I’ve got my skates. I’ve been out a few times practicing, though I need someone to teach me how to stop. Right now my goal of fitness still stands and learning to roller skate is on my life list. I still plan to earn my derby name, and every bout I go to makes me want it again.