Don't just live in the world

Dear Baby,

September 16th, 2009 | Posted by Amy Boughner in Parenting | Personal

Right now you are 13 weeks and 6 days away from being born according to the handy-dandy calculator I found online. (Of course, I expect that you will be a little late, that’s fine – Joe thinks you have a chance at being the New Year’s Baby, but we’ll see about that).

I am both eagerly anticipating and completely terrified of your arrival.

So for everything is going very well, the midwife and the ultrasound techs are always very happy with your progress. We’ve confirmed that you have two hands and two feet, your spine is all there and so is your brain. We know your heart beats at the right speed. Yesterday we even found out that you’re already sucking your thumb.

And then came the point when the techinician was trying to get a good look at your face. Your refused to turn over, even after I rolled around, and then you put your hand over your face. We had told the technician, who was a very nice lady who guided us through everything she was looking at, that you have a history of being difficult and stubborn. The last ultrasound we had you wouldn’t move at all to where they wanted you to be, and the last time the midwife tried to listen to your heartbeat we could hear you kicking the sensor.

And this stubborness and refusal to cooperate is what worries me.

It also worries me that when I talk to your grandmother about it, she laughs and says something about ‘what goes around comes around,’ or says “She’s going to be just like you,” in a less than friendly tone.

Now, as far as I know my mother generally enjoyed my childhood. I know she loves me and she’s amazed at the changes I’ve gone through and how I’ve ended up where I am. She tells me so. So, I’m not exactly sure where I went so wrong that she wished revenge on me through my own mothering experience.

Of course, while reviewing my childhood in my head, I do foresee some issues:

If you are just like me, you are likely to be occasionally overly dramatic and unlikely to ever hide your emotions (even in public); you are likely to be nervous a lot of the time and bad at speaking to or in front of people you don’t know; you will be a worrier; you will act strong be feel weak; you will question everything, especially yourself and your capabilities; you will have an obsession with office supplies, particularly pens (this won’t surprise me at all, I inherited it from my mother); you will be very bad at pretending you like people that you think are assholes; you will be a quiet, hard worker who wants to be good at everything; you will get very frustrated when something is hard for you to learn; and you will love you Daddy even though he embarasses you sometimes.

There are a few of these traits that I hope you do inherit from me, but there are most definitely some things Joe is much better at than I am, like acting friendly with people he hates or acting confident when he doesn’t feel that way. These are two things you would benefit from inheriting.

I am also excited to see what physical family traits you get. You could have red hair, but I’m assuming you will be a blue-eyed brunette since we both are. I think you’ll probably have straight hair, and I live in fear of curly hair since I’ve never had to deal with it. The Goddard and Marion noses will be fighting it out and I’m interested to see which wins. I guess I should apologize now for the state of your joints, since Joe and I both have knee problems and his ankles are in terrible shape too (you’re also pretty much guaranteed to be accident-prone – Sorry).

You will be tall, of this I have no doubt. Eventually you may be taller than me.

I think what I’m really waiting for is to see what feet you get. You could get the Forsyth feet (really long, really narrow, really difficult to fit), the Scanlon feet (really long but of normal width – the feet I was lucky enough to get, because I can walk into most stores and buy shoes), I know Joe has told me about his family’s feet (short and wide) but I don’t know if those come from his Mom or his Dad.

Overall I guess I’m excited to meet you, and excited to know you when you become a real, full-grown person with your own personality. I want to know what your passions will be and what of us you’ll reject. I’m excited about the conversations I’ll have with you and how I’ll get to watch you form your own opinion about things.

But we have a whole lot to get through before that, including breaking you of this thumb sucking habit you’ve already developed.

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