So I was away for French training last week and in my classes we often had discussions. These discussions often centred around our work and our lives. Since Je suis enceinte and one of my colleagues/classmates’ is having a baby in September the conversation circled around babies.
One of my teachers in particular seemed very excited about the population boom in my office, and she asked me how I felt about the whole thing – was I excited? I’m scared.
Why am I scared? Because in about five months I am going to be responsible for an entire human being. I am going to be responsible for making sure they get fed and learn how to walk and read and help them with their math homework. I have no inkling how you begin to teach someone how to walk and talk, let alone potty train them.
She said when she had her daughter she was scared of the birth and I replied that I’m not worried about that part at all. She says “Of course, you’ll have an epidural.” And I replied: “Nope, not planning on it.”
And that’s when she gave me this look, this look that said ‘yeah, right, you say no now, but you will.”
And it made me angry. It didn’t help that I was trying to explain how I felt about the whole thing in my second language. I was stumbling over words trying to tell her this:
I believe that if I can get through the birth without an epidural that it will make me feel that much stronger about raising a child. I believe that being able to have this baby without an epidural will focus me and centre me. It will be one more hard thing that I survived that led to something greater.
Through my life, at my lowest points (and I have had some very low points) I have made a point of writing a list of things I have survived, and I hold firm to my belief that all those hard things and all those low points brought me to where I am today. I know this baby will be adding something great to my life, but first I have to get through the hard parts.
Of course, there are many other, great reasons to try my hardest not to ask for the drugs, and they are outlined beautifully here: http://www.threeseven.ca/2009/06/im-only-hero-because-im-chicken.html
I really couldn’t say it any better.