Today is my birthday.
Over the past few years I find that I am celebrating my birthday more, and certainly being more vocal about it. Not quite to the point of being childish, but I have gotten past being embarassed. It is a day for me, and the people who love me should celebrate me.
This year I turn 28, which seems older than I should be, and much older than 27 for some reason. I think this is because I have a lot of sentences in my head that start ‘I’m 28 years old, I shouldn’t…”
Like ‘I’m 28 years old, I shouldn’t still be breaking out’ for instance, or ‘I’m 28 years old, I shouldn’t still be eating candy for dinner.’
I think this is because I find myself married, talking about kids and health insurance and whether to keep renting or buy, I find myself in a comfortable job with some idea of where I want to move. I suddenly know what I want to spend my life doing. I am in a position right now that I’m fairly happy in (depending on the day) and there are jobs here I can move into, and I know what I’m looking for if and when I apply elsewhere.
I know that there are things I want to work towards and that I will eventually end up where I want to end up – and that it doesn’t necessarily matter if that happens tomorrow or 20 years from now.
I know that by the time I turn 29 I will not have gone through as many major life changes as I have in the past few years, that I can now settle in where I am for the next little while. I know how to stand up for myself when I need to (no matter how much I’m shaking when I do), and I know that there are people who will stand behind me. I know that I can say no and that I can do what’s best for me because I have the right to, and there’s no need to feel guilty or ashamed. I know that I can be a bitch when I need to (I’m actually quite good at it), but that I can also be calm and strong when that’s what’s required. I know that I have strong instincts that I can trust. I know that I can still learn no matter what my age. I know that when faced with new challenges, I can come out on the other side with success and new skills.
I know that it’s ridiculous to think that my birthday has caused any of these changes in me and in my life, but if that;s what I want to centre this day on, that my right as the birthday girl.
*This is a reference, it also happens to be true, but not something I regret