It’s been a long four weeks since I got back from my post-election vacation and some of the most exciting in Canadian political history, but I am ready for my Christmas vacation and incredibly happy that it starts tomorrow.

I hope to come back to a calmed-down office and a resolved transit strike.

But now I will think only of the two lovely weeks ahead of me and what I plan to do with them:

1) I will finish my scarf and at least one of socks I’ve got on my needles

2) I will read (I finished Twiling last night – meh – and I have a pile of books to get started on, including the Yarn Harlot’s new one)

3) I will give my puppy all the exercise his little heart desires (depending on the weather)

4) I will clean the house and purge (I hate having so many things just lying around)

5) I will lose my voice screaming in support of our boys at the Canada-US game in the greatest tournament ever (World Junior Hockey Championships!)

6) I will make an effort to keep up with the news

7) I will get exercise and work on watching what I eat. I’ve been doing better, but not well.

8) I will try to be inspired every day, write something every day and generally keep the creative part of me happy every day. I might even start sketching again.

9) I will make an honest attempt at mapping out my future.

I will come back to work refreshed and ready to go with plans in place and the drive to impress my bosses. They keep telling us that they want our office to be less like a drive-thru (meaning, they don’t want to have to come to us and “order,” they want us to anticipate their needs), and I want to bring ideas forth.

When I was in high school I was very much a quiet person. I only spoke when I was called upon to do so because when I spoke out of turn I usually got embarassed. I hate being wrong and I really hate being called on it.

After high school I took a year off and then went away to college and I was fundamentally changed. In college I wanted to prove that I was smart and I did have ideas and so I spoke up, I raised my hand to give answers, I asked questions. I didn’t care what the people around me thought because I was there for myself and I knew I would only get out what I put in to my education. As a result I was top of my class with a good deal of confidence.

After college I was unemployed for three  months before taking a bad job. The paper I moved across the country to work for folded after two months and I ended up back at home and unemployed for another six months.

That year took a huge toll on me. When I left school I was sure that I was on the right path. I was meant to be a journalist and I was going to succeed – and furthermore I was going to do it without my father’s connections. But I didn’t. At all.

By the time I quit another job and went back to university it had only gotten worse. I am a shadow of that girl and I miss her terribly. She knew she was capable and I second-guess everything. She would hand in assignments knowing that she would get top marks, I hand in work and wait for someone to point out the mistakes I missed.

With the help of a good boss that girl is trying to make a comeback and I intend to do everything I can to help her along.

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