Jul 23 2014

On the subjection of women

Author: Amy Boughner • Discussion: 1 Comment

When I was younger I thought a lot of the things about feminism that the women of #WomenAgainstFeminism feel too. That it’s something we didn’t need any more, that I don’t hate men, that I enjoy the feeling of my legs when they’ve been shaved.

Of course, since then I’ve grown up a lot, learned a lot, met a lot of great women and I know now that, as best put by The Bloggess:

I’m not saying you can’t choose to not be a feminist but know what you’re choosing. Don’t make a decision about a group based on the most radical beliefs of a group. Don’t get defensive if you get deeper and are exposed to difficult ideas about intersectionality and race and gender and colonialism and patriarchy and male liberation. Just listen. Some of it will make sense. Some of it won’t. Some of it will later when you’re a different person. Some of it you’ll change your mind about throughout your life and the world will change too. Some of it is bullshit. Some of it is truth. All of it is worth listening to.

That woman makes so much sense when she’s making sense.

Here at 33 I consider myself a full on feminist. Even though I shave my legs, took my husband’s name and stay at home with my daughter. Hell, I even like baking. And I don’t subscribe to the idea of affirmative action. None of that makes me a bad feminist.

What makes me a good feminist? Well, I’m a woman for starters, and I believe that that doesn’t lessen my standing in society. My belief that women need to engage and inform, that women have a right to be heard, that women are not a cohesive group and shouldn’t be treated as such. That women are equal citizens, period, end of sentence. That right there makes me a feminist.

You cannot argue the fact that when women get support communities prosper. You cannot ignore the fact that the next generations are overwhelmingly being raised by women. That is a huge sphere of influence and a huge opportunity to make a difference.

One of my favourite readings for university (the first time around) was John Stuart Mill’s The Subjection of Women. Mill argued that the nation was being dragged down by men who were married to stupid women. Women who were stupid because they were not allowed education. He argued that women should be granted the same rights as men to benefit the men.

I mean, what a great way to make an argument to other men, right?

Mill, an man from the 19th century showed me something. I believe that the more women engage, participate, the more interesting the conversation will be.

And that’s what makes me a feminist.

Obligatory mother of a daughter picture

Jul 20 2014

People in your neighbourhood

Author: Amy Boughner • Discussion: No Comments

I grew up in a neighbourhood. Almost every house held people I was acquainted with, and most of them had kids around my age. I can walk through the neighbourhood now and tell my daughter which of my friends, my sister’s friend or our teachers lived in which houses.

My sister started walking me to school when I was in Grade 1. Mostly because my single mother had to work. I didn’t mind at all. We would walk up a couple of blocks, meet some friends and walk the rest of the way in a group. I was allowed to walk to our corner store or my best friend’s house, down to the park to play. With my sister I rode my bike all over the neighbourhood once I could ride. We were never more than two or three minutes away from someone that we knew.

I asked my mom the other day how often she thought she would have been arrested during the course of my childhood.

Now we live in a neighbourhood. There’s a small park a couple of doors down and I absolutely love taking the dog for a walk and seeing kids playing in the street on bikes and scooters. There’s even a place where a group of kids has built a fort among the trees. It makes me feel like this is a real, safe neighbourhood. There are kids just out and about having fun, doing stupid things, just like I did when I was a kid. Those are the things I want my kid to remember.

Jul 10 2014

Birds suddenly appear

Author: Amy Boughner

The kid has a habit of asking deep questions out of nowhere. The other day we were in the car together, she had been talking about other things, and then suddenly she asked me how Daddy and I fell in love.

She asks these questions and catches you totally off guard and leaves you stumbling to answer.

Today I was at Carleton to see the registrar. I had to take in some documents to get them to do a name change, since I got married after I graduated last time. As I was walking back to my parking spot I took the tunnels from the Quad and ended up on the fourth floor of the university centre. I walked towards the stairs and ended up in front of the door to the stairs that I used to always take up to the fifth floor. Fifth floor UniCentre, Room 531. That’s where I met Joe. When I stopped looking at that door and took the stairs down instead I got a little emotional.

I went in for an interview at the student paper and met the editor and two board members. Out of the three men in that interview one became my husband, the other is a very good friend to us both. (The third guy was a journalism professor who has played no further role in my life).

I started that job in November and Joe and I became friends over the course of the year.Good friends. As editor-in-chief and production manager we were often the last people in the office and we had a lot of good talks. I really don’t know when things changed.

One night I went over to his apartment to watch a movie. That weekend I invited him to my place to watch some movies that were part of an assignment I was doing. And I was really nervous and I wasn’t sure why. It felt like something was happening. We sat together on the couch and after a bit he kissed me.

And we’ve never looked back.

I still don’t know when the switch flipped for me. That was the end of March and by the summer we were planning on moving in together and fully expected to get married. I hadn’t even planned on ever getting married but suddenly I really wanted to. Things just kind of fell into place.

So now how do I explain that to my kid?

Jul 08 2014

Giveaway: Crazy for puppets

Author: Amy Boughner

A couple of years ago Grandma and Grandpa brought the kid a new friend. His name is King and he is very funny. He is also unsure where exactly his kingdom is.

Since the king arrived in our house the kid has become a huge fan of puppets and two years ago we took her to the Puppets Up festival in Almonte. We timed our visit all wrong and didn’t get to see any of the shows, but she did get her face painted and we got to see the parade, which she loved. I’m thrilled that this year we’re going back to the festival and we will make sure to check the schedule and plan to see a few of the presentations. I believe the kid is already acquainted with the Puppet Tamer, so we’ll stop in to see him again, and since Abby Cadabby is one of her favourite Sesame Street Muppets (see below) we will have to check out Leslie Carrara-Rudolph’s “Leslie and Lolly Make Stuff Up.”

And how could we possibly skip a performance called Squirrel Stole My Underpants? I mean come on. And the Little Feet Theatre. You can’t see this picture and not want to see where that goes:

I would bet that the king will join us for the festival.

The artistic director of the Puppets Up festival is Noreen Young who created Under the Umbrella Tree, which ran on CBC for 10 years starting when I was six years old. I have fond memories of those characters Holly, Iggy, Jacob and Gloria. I love seeing Noreen Young’s puppets decorating the windows around downtown during the festival. It’s especially cool because Noreen Young designed the puppets for an older CBC show called Hi Diddle Day, and it so happens my mother was one of the show’s scriptwriters.

You can buy tickets to the festival here, day passes and weekend passes are available and children under 3 are free. Puppets Up runs August 8, 9 and 10.

I am very excited to be able to give away two day passes for the festival to one lucky reader. Leave me a comment below letting me know that you’re interested and I will draw a winner July 31.

Disclosure: I was given two passes to the festival for my family as well as the giveaway passes for writing this post, but I am honestly excited to be taking my daughter to check it out. And if you do take in the festival make sure you spend some time checking out Almonte and the surrounding area as well.

Jul 04 2014

Go ahead, jump…

Author: Amy Boughner

Two years ago I left full time work and started working on contract. That has slowly morphed into have my own business, and that business is changing into something more suitable for me as I roll along. Talking to Shelagh Cummins, my parents and my husband has let to more thinking, more changes, more doing.

Talking to my father about something totally different one day, I mentioned a new program at my Alma Mater, a Masters of Political Management. And he told me I should do that, in a way that told me he thought it was pretty obvious.

Since I graduated from university with my BA I have had questions and regrets. I didn’t do a four-year honours degree, I never took research methods and I think it would have been very beneficial.

I started thinking about going back for my Masters, but going back for my Masters means going back for a year first to finish my honours. And suddenly that’s two years, and a lot of money by the way.

But if I’m honest with myself, I have spent the past seven years thinking about maybe someday going back for a Masters, and regretting not doing my four-year. And as I said before my kid has taught me a bit about regrets.

So I have a lot to think about this summer, and perhaps some hard work ahead of me.

I’m terrified to jump in and do it, but I’m terrified I won’t too.

Jun 27 2014

Best feet first

Author: Amy Boughner

I posted here a little while ago about how the brain works, and how sometimes you just need to jump in with both feet. My daughter has taught me this lesson better than anyone and I’ve watched her try and fail and try again and succeed more times than I can count. I’ve also watched her find things she loves, things she can love for a long time that will be beneficial to her. I’ve watched her make mistakes and move on. I’ve watched her take a chance and make a friend.

We took a little trip to Sesame Place – highly recommend it for young kids, by the way. We went two days in a row. We spent the first wandering around the park, going on rides and having lunch with a few friends – you know, Elmo, Cookie Monster, the Count, Grover and Abby Cadabby. The second day we spent going to a couple of shows and playing in the water park. We also attended the neighbourhood party parade both days.

In the second song of the parade/party Abby Cadabby and Zoe have two helpers that bring kids into the parade to dance with them. Two or three kids each. The first day the song started and kids went up and mine sat there, in the stroller we had rented, upset that she hadn’t jumped at the chance to be in the parade with these characters she adores.

The second day the time came, Abby’s friend was looking for kids to dance. The second day my kid went for it and had a blast.

Seriously.

A. Blast.

“Mommy, I liked being in the parade.”

She had a regret, and she went out and fixed it. Which is something I might be doing over the next few months…

Jun 24 2014

Graduate

Author: Amy Boughner

The kid has finished her preschool career and we’re both feeling a bit sad to say goodbye, and then this week we went to visit her daycare provider – the woman who cared for her every day for a year and a half while I went back to work full time. She had asked to go and visit and we were welcomed with a big smile.

We have done a great job of finding places for this kid where she is welcomed and cared for in the ways she needs to be.

We knew her daycare provided was the right one as soon as we met her. The kid crawled over to her and proceeded to sit with her happily while we had our first meeting. There was no question they were comfortable together. We visited her preschool at an open house last year and decided it felt right and as the year went on it was clear we were right. She couldn’t have been in a better place with better people this year.

And I guess that’s why I’m feeling a bit nostalgic, a bit cautious and a bit sad. In September she starts kindergarten and things are mostly out of our hands. She gets assigned a teacher and classmates and it’s our job to make sure that things roll along smoothly.

It’s also the beginning of the next 14 years of her life. The routine we get into while she’s in school will be our routine more often than not until she’s an adult.

For now we have our summer. Tomorrow we leave for Sesame Place – and the kid doesn’t know where exactly we are going. We get a visit from Grandma and Grandpa next month and a trip to Halifax in August where we can play in the ocean together. And, of course, a whole list of things to do together.

So I’m going to try to live in the moment and expect the best.

Jun 23 2014

Above all else

Author: Amy Boughner

It is common sense to take a method and try it: If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something – Franklin D. Roosevelt

I have so many things moving through my head and through my life all the time that it’s hard to focus on what I need to do right now to move ahead with what I want to get done over all.

I want to write, I want to work more and grow my business, I want to cook, I want to exercise, I want to watch TV and movies, I want to read, I want to knit, I want to have a fun summer with my kid before she starts full time school, I want the house to be clean-ish.

I spend so much time trying to figure out what needs to take precedence, making to-do lists. I wonder if I’m really advancing any of my goals. I do I prioritize when everything is important for different reasons?

Every great writer says you need to write every day. I want to write every day. But then I stare at a blank page and doodle, or I open a tab on the blog and find other things to do. Does writing on a blog or journalling even count as writing in terms of the great ‘write every day’ advice?

Growing my business is up to me, figuring out who I’m trying to reach and explaining to that audience what I can do for them. And pretty important for the bottom line, and also my sanity.

Cooking and exercise – both very important for my health, the family’s health, and improving my mood and overall outlook. Plus I like to sweat, some days it really helps.

Taking care of the kid and having fun? That’s a no brainer.

That’s the best thing I can do for her and for me. We’re awesome together and soon she’s off to school and I’ll have more time for everything else. I need to have time this summer to prepare for that, to make sure I have things to fill those days while she’s off learning and making friends and starting her whole life. (Yes, I’m a bit dramatic about the whole thing. It’s life changing).

But, above all else, I can’t spend my days not trying to get something done. Something must get done. And so I make my lists and I try to check things off, my head swirling all the while with the things I’m not doing while I’m doing this.

How do you organize and prioritize?

Jun 22 2014

Participating

Author: Amy Boughner

I have long been a fan of Participaction. The ads with Hal and Joanne have been running since I was a kid and I have long been trying to ‘get fit and have fun.’ I am very proud to have a daughter who loves various kinds of exercising and is building her strength while having lots of fun.

Last week my husband sent me Participaction’s list of things Canadian kids should do before they turn 12. He was of the opinion that we’re doing pretty well with this list with our four-year-old, so let’s see:

4 things every Canadian child should do by the age of 12

~~Experience total weightlessness at the top of a swing~~
~~Skip stones across water~~
Play leap frog
Hang upside down from a tree limb – She hangs upside down from everything else
~~Jump into water cold enough that it almost takes your breath away~~
Throw rocks or snowballs at a post from a distance until they get a bulls eye
Ride a bike with no hands
Paddle a canoe
Piggyback someone – She’s been piggy backed
~~Roll down a big hill -~~ And took me with her
~~Try a sport that requires a helmet~~
~~Collect something in a forest~~
~~Make up a dance routine~~
~~Slide down something on a piece of cardboard~~
~~Build a fort~~
Hike somewhere for a picnic – We went to Gatineau Park for a picnic but hiked afterwards
Bury someone in the sand – Do her own feet count?
~~Play outside in the rain~~
Jump in a pile of leaves
~~Make a snow angel~~
Fly a kite
Create an obstacle course
~~Swim in a lake or an ocean~~ Two oceans and a lovely lake last summer
~~Make up a game involving a ball~~

Yeah, so that’s pretty good. And I have no doubts about most of these items being in her future, though we don’t have trees so we’ll have to find a pile of leaves somewhere. I’m kind of curious about the things that I’ve managed to do on this list.

~~Experience total weightlessness at the top of a swing~~
~~Skip stones across water~~
~~Play leap frog~~
~~Hang upside down from a tree limb~~
~~Jump into water cold enough that it almost takes your breath away~~
Throw rocks or snowballs at a post from a distance until they get a bulls eye
~~Ride a bike with no hands~~
~~Paddle a canoe~~
~~Piggyback someone~~
~~Roll down a big hill~~
Try a sport that requires a helmet
~~Collect something in a forest~~
~~Make up a dance routine~~
Slide down something on a piece of cardboard*
~~Build a fort~~
~~Hike somewhere for a picnic~~
~~Bury someone in the sand~~
~~Play outside in the rain~~
~~Jump in a pile of leaves~~
~~Make a snow angel~~
~~Fly a kite~~
~~Create an obstacle course~~
~~Swim in a lake or an ocean~~
~~Make up a game involving a ball~~

I’m assuming I have thrown snowballs or rocks at a target but I honestly don’t remember. And I tried a sport that required a helmet but that was when I was 29. Now I need a list of things to do before I hit middle age.