This question popped into my head late at night. I was tired, achy, frustrated at being tired. Frustrated at another day when I didn’t get to the gym or get on the treadmill even though I walked and got fresh air today and should probably just let myself off the hook.

What’s mellower than a river otter? Maybe a sea otter

There are good things I know I should be doing for myself – sleeping regularly; coming up with a regular schedule that allows me to get to the gym, spend time with my kid and work on deadline; planning meals and remembering to take things out of the freezer.

One thing I could definitely do better for myself is giving myself credit when I do good things. I’ve been eating in the mornings – not a full breakfast but an apple is better than an empty stomach. I did walk today, and I had a fun morning with my kid. I’ve been knitting more lately, and reading a lot which is something I missed doing. Reading more also means I’m watching less television. The other day it was cold and rainy, so we went for manicures, me and the kid and Grandma. And then we went shopping.

I’ve been writing things out, because just the feel of pen on paper is good for me.

I’ve been focussing on my business and where that’s going for me. I’ve been asking for things, because Erica Ehm taught me at last year’s Blissdom that they might say yes.

There are improvements to make, and I must keep that in mind. I much make the hard choices because in the end it will make things easier. There are a lot of changes to be made, I can’t pretend that everything is rosy – that’s never been my strong suit. But I can give myself credit. I can remind myself that I succeed sometimes. I can ask questions that will take me closer to where I need to be.

And I will take all advice that’s coming:

What’s the best thing you do for yourself?

In the world of parenting I am often looking for answers. Luckily in the world of parenting, particularly in this age of technology the answer to ‘someone has been through this crap before me’ is usually ‘oh! Me! That sounds just like my kid.’

Right now we are dealing with sleep patterns.

This kid has a lot of energy. Sometimes she just can’t stop herself moving around. She’s always ready for the next thing, no matter how obvious it is that she needs sleep.

She stopped napping around age one, which the family doctor basically told me was impossible. “She should be falling asleep in her lunch.”

Well, I didn’t know what to say to that because she wasn’t. And it wasn’t just me, she didn’t nap at day care either. In fact once she did fall asleep and our daycare provider told us she kept going in to check on the kid because it was so weird.

She’s long had trouble falling asleep at night. I was somewhat taken aback because when she was a baby and even as a young toddler there weren’t real issues.

But as she got older she started showing signs of being a lot like me.

I don’t settle well at night. I have trouble shutting things down, closing my book, turning my brain off. Even when I was worming 7 to 3 it took months for me to realize I had to go to bed earlier. Even knowing how lack of sleep effects me I still talk myself into it.

So here I have a four year old who can’t settle. Can’t stop thinking of questions she wants answered. Can’t stop thinking about things that she’s done or is going to do.

It used to be that we could put her to bed at 6 and she’d be out before 7. Now if we do bedtime at 6 or 7 she’s awake past 9, sometimes past 10, and even past 11:30.

It’s crazy, right?

So I’m looking for the parent who’s been there before and has a perfect and easy solution. Or maybe even a moderately difficult one.

So the NHL season is over here in Ottawa. The Senators didn’t make the playoff (oof) and now we have nothing to cheer for. Now we’re talking about next year (and also trying to win our playoffs pools), and what changes we might see in the team. There’s a lot of talk that Jason Spezza will get moved out of Ottawa, traded away for the benefit of team and player.

When there is talk of Spezza leaving the Senators I get actually, physically emotional. I can’t seem to help it. I lived in Belleville when Spezza got traded there. He was the first sports story I ever got to cover as a reporter.

12 years ago, Yardman Arena

When I got my Sens jersey a few years ago there was no question that Spezza’s would be the name on the back. I had seen him up close in junior and I knew what he was capable of. I know a lot of fans have had complaints about him, but I always cheered.

Still, when he was made captain at the beginning of this season I knew it was a mistake. Joe and I argue about this – I think it should have been Phillips, he thinks it should have been left empty for the season. Still, we agree that Spezza was a wrong choice. It was too much to ask of him, to step into Alfie’s shoes, it was too much for the team.

Now it is generally agreed that Spezza will be playing somewhere else next year, and I understand all the reasons for him and for the team, but I get teary every single time it has come up in conversation.

I miss the days of the franchise player. We had one in Alfredsson and then he was gone, now Spezza.

I am very interested in science. I loved learning chemistry and biology and especially physics when I was in school. Sadly, I did not have a great memory for scientific things and thus did not test well in the subject. Still, I am interested and I want my kid to love science and the way it makes you look at the world.

She doesn’t have godparents, but she does have a science-parent. Our friend Dan has a degree in biochemistry and has agreed to help keep up her interests. It shouldn’t be a problem as this child has no end of questions as to how things work and how things are made. Curiosity is the key word.

When we were invited to head to the Museum of Science and Technology for a play date I thought it was a great idea, and when I told the kid that we were going to the science museum she literally started jumping up and down and asking me about experiments.

Experiments are cool.

Lever

Physics!

It is possible that during the demonstration with the liquid nitrogen I got more excited than she did.

When we got married almost seven years ago your best man said that you’d told him what you wanted in life – a family, a dog, being able to sit back in your home and watch the hockey game with a beer.

So here we are.

A family, our own home, a dog (who’s a bit weird), a kid (who’s a bit weird). We do good. Most of the time.

We’re symbiotic, me and you. Opposite in the right ways. We get tested, we push through.

And you and her? Too much the same sometimes.

Seriously

We grow together. All of us.

We have things to work on. We both know it, and we do work. We flow in and out together. It’s been an impossible nine years we’ve been together. Totally improbable. 

I mean, when we met you have blue hair and wore torn cords and band shirts. I did not introduce myself thinking – in 10 years I’ll be married to this man, we’ll own a home, have a child and he’ll be a director somewhere.

“That’s him, that’s the man who will be the father I always wanted for my children!”

Did not cross my mind.

And then it all just happened. We were dating, engaged, married, parents.

I remember it felt like forever between getting engaged and having the wedding. Waiting for her took forever. Now, looking back, it’s impossible that it’s been almost a decade. It makes no sense.

I told you not to marry me. I’m glad you didn’t listen.